When I talked about moving forward, I said I was going to make a wall designated as “Carol’s Wall.” That wall is nearly complete. I built a 4 X 6 foot frame on the wall and painted it white. Then, I painted the wall inside the frame purple (Carol’s favorite color). All the frames inside the wall are white. On the wall is a picture of her wearing the same jewelry she wore at her viewing. I placed that same jewelry along with our wedding rings in a shadowbox.
I also placed her “Soul on Fire” t-shirt in a shadow box. I placed a collage of pictures of her showing various times we did things together. My favorite thing is a picture frame with Carol and my wedding picture. The frame says, “Once in a lifetime you meet someone who changes everything.” I also plan to put an electronic picture frame on a table beside the remembrance wall. It will have many of her pictures in a slideshow.
Now, why am I telling you all of this? I want anyone grieving to know that it is okay to hold the memories of their loved ones in their heart. For me, this is the best way I can do that.
The wall does several good things for me, but they don’t all feel good. On the happy side, it reminds me of a wonderful life I had with a wonderful person. On the not so happy side, sometimes it draws me back into deep grief. But even though it hurts, it is still good for me.
There is a danger, however. Some people might use a wall like mine, not just to remember the past, but to live in the past. The wall must not become a shrine. We must not worship the past or use the past as our only sense of meaning and purpose.
Paul says, “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 3:14 (ESV)
We can and we should look back and hold to wonderful memories. But, also we must press on.
