Cremation never entered Carol’s and my mind until a few years ago when our dear friend, Burl Mackey shared his burial intentions. He was days away from his death from pancreatic cancer when he said something like this to me. “Now Ken, this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to rent a casket.” (I had never even heard of renting a casket until that moment) “We’ll have a viewing because some people need to see the body for closure. We’ll have a funeral, again, for the purpose of closure. Then I’m going to be cremated and the family will bury my remains because I believe it’s healthy for the body to have a final resting place.”
That is the pattern Carol and I chose to follow.
This decision wasn’t easy. I was raised in the Christian tradition of having a regular body burial. Growing up, I think we had always associated burning with hell. There was also the struggle with the concept of bodily resurrection. Jesus’ earthly body went through a transformation to a new heavenly body. We are told that Jesus will do the same for us who have trusted in Him.
Philippians 3:20–21 (ESV)
20 But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.
So how does that transformation work for the Christians whose bodies were turned to ashes when they were drenched in tar and set on fire to light Nero’s palace? How does that work if. through decomposition, there is nothing left but bones? How does that work if the body disintegrates and is scattered into a thousand pieces as in the Columbia astronauts, or in the twin towers? How does that work if a body is lost at sea and devoured by five sharks?
The answer is simple but you might not like the answer: it doesn’t work. Let me tell you what does work: the mighty power of God, who, though we do not understand how, will give us a new spiritual body. Our reliance is not in what happens to our physical body, but in the power of God to provide us with a new body.
And by the way, It is a true body. If you want to know what your new body will be like, then look at what the Scriptures tell us about Jesus’ body after He rose. According to Luke 24:36-42, it was tangible; people could touch Him. My favorite part is that He ate some fish in front of His disciples (I’m hoping that means I can eat but never get fat). Even though He was tangible with a type of flesh and bones, matter did not contain Him. John goes to great lengths to tell us that Jesus appeared into a room where all the doors were locked (John 20:19). The new body is not kept alive by blood but by the Holy Spirit (Romans 8:11).
So our new body will be tangible and touchable, but not contained by matter. WOW! No science fiction movie can hold a candle to that!
You see, the most we will ever be is perfect human. Right now because of sin we are sub-human. But the purpose of our resurrected body will be the same as the purpose for our earthly body. Its purpose is to give us a means through which we express our spiritual selves. With our body, we touch and hug people to show care. With our body, we talk and communicate what our inner person thinks and feels. So it will be with our new body.
Now, I am in no way suggesting you should follow my example. Each person must do what is right for them. I’m just telling you what I did and the rationale for it.
No decision is easy and no decision is without struggle. When I wrote about the grief monster, there is one thing I didn’t tell you. That day when I went to the funeral home to pick up Carol’s death certificate, I said to the funeral director, “I don’t even know what an urn looks like.” Pointing to a little container that looked like an ammo box, he said, “It looks like that.” Though I should have known, I was taken back at how such a small container could hold our human remains.
The first thing I thought was, “I’m not going to bury Carol in a box.” So I went online and bought a beautiful urn, purple of course, to bury her in (you understand, this is more for me than for her).
For me it didn’t seem good to have her ashes in my home, so I asked the funeral director if they would keep her remains until I had her grave marker in place. This process took over two months but I had a purpose in doing so. I’m creating a remembrance wall in my home for Carol and I wanted to have a picture of her urn beside our grave marker to put on her wall.
For final closure, I had a brief graveside service. It was another moment for several friends to talk about Carol, and what she means to all of us, and a final prayer to close out this chapter in my life.
For me, I believe I did everything right and respectful. And I can live with that.
